Look after your looks

So you think you're in the right company?
Good. Now lets talk about walking in to work. And how you look when you do that. Here's 20 rules on your appearance at work

1. First and Foremost: Don't dress up or down. Dress right. What is right? Look around you. If you're working at a bank, where everybody else wears white and gray, don't show up in yellow and blue. If you work at a Hawaiian theme restaurant, don't wear a tie. Otherwise put, don't stick out like a sore thumb because of what you wear. This is not high school where wearing gaudy sneakers torn Levi's and T-Shirt with a giant FUCK YOU sign in the front and a middle finger on the back is going to make you look cool. It's going to make you look like a dick.
2. Wear clothes that flatter. For example, ladies, as much as I love y'all, if you've got blubber, no tights, please. If you don't know what looks good, ask a friend. If you don't have a friend you can trust, send me a couple of full length photographs. Seriously. I'll tell you, and I promise not to put them on the web.
   
3. Don't wear stained clothes. Toss 'em.
4. If you have to wear a suit to work, make sure it fits well. Go to a good tailor and custom stitch a couple. Go get some good ties.
   
5. Coordinate your clothes. Don't show up to work looking like a fucking rainbow unless it's gay pride day and you're either gay or proud or both.
6. Shine your shoes everyday. Clean your sneakers every week. Don't come to work with dirty shoes on.
7. When your clothes get old, give them to Salvation Army, or your maid. As a rule, one hundred washes is more than enough for the clothes your buy.
8. Never wear clothes fancier than your bosses boss.
9. Keep some consistency in the way you look. Don't show up one day dressed like George Clooney in Ocean's Eleven and the next day dressed like Freddie Mercuty. (Actually don't ever show up dressed like Freddie). No need to get all Steve Jobs and run out and buy a closet full of the same fucking turtleneck, but pick your look and stick to it.
10. And some special rules for ladies. (a) Watch the level of tittilation. YOu wanna be at your attractive best, but you dont want people getting a stiffy because of the way you're dressed. (b) On Cleavage: Don't show it.(c) On formal wear: Watch your panty line. Don't let your underwear show through your clothes.
    
11. Get your hair cut every two weeks. This is not for your hair, but for the fuzz that grows at the edges. Get your hair cut on Saturday so you don't show up on Monday looking like a freshly mowed lawn.
12. Shave. If you MUST keep a beard or a mustache, don't. If you still must because of your religious or cultural persuasion, trim it regularly.
13. Keep your mouth smelling fresh. Drink water regularly, chew gum, brush your teeth - whatever it takes. Nobody's is interested in smelling what you ate from a mile away.
14. Smokers - see above. Nobody likes it when you walk into their cube and give off that pungent leftover cigarette odor. If your wife/husband likes making love to an ash tray that's their problem. Don't burden the rest of us with the smell of stale smoke.
15. Keep your fingernails clean. Wash your hands regularly. Dont let food color show up on your hands. Dont let dirt show up under your fingernails.
16. And finally - body odor. That is the worst thing that can happen to you. If you stink, nothing else in this world can help you. I've walked into empty elevators and smelt some mother fuckers funk in there long after he left. ReVOLTing.

Why all these rules? The way you look leaves an impression on people. You want that impression to be as favorable as possible. You want to look successful, competent, and clean. Unless you have a reputation for being a genius and a track record of success, you can't show up to work in clothes that don't help you look the part.
And one last thing.
You want to it appear as if your looks take no special effort from your end. So don't discuss where you shop, or why you shop there. Don't constantly preen in front of people. Be Cool. Look nonchalant about your looks. It's not that hard and it's not that expensive to dress well. Do it.